A dildo has one enormous advantage over a penis: it never has to worry about losing its erection.

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So why do so many feel like they already have?

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I got paid to masturbate for five years (aka review sex toys for magazines). Deliveries of rabbits, bullets, wands, eggs, suction toys, things with apps, things with remotes, and things I had to hold up to the light or flip over a few times before figuring out where they went were commonplace. We’re talking twice a week. I learned that almost anything becomes quantifiable once it hits a spreadsheet.

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